diveinheadfirst

A long time ago, I decided to stop worrying about what other people thought.

I decided to be me and to stand for the things that I believe in.

I decided to love.  I decided to live.  I decided to show people that it’s okay to be yourself.

I decided to be free.

I CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET.

I became an advocate for other gay people.

I began believing in the people with the same negative body issues that I’ve dealt with since high school.

I told myself that I would find love no matter how many times I failed.

I told myself that I wouldn’t be afraid.

I told myself that I focus on the things that I loved.

PROBLEM: I’ve had never really loved anything.

I guess I had a lot of crushes..

I had feelings for a few people, but I definitely knew when I fell in love.

I was so scared of that love that I ran away from it.

When I thought I had lost it, I did everything in my power to replace it, but I couldn’t.

I hurt people in the process of that and for that I regret my own selfishness.

..but is it selfish to want to love again?

What happens if that first love walks back into your life.. that only love?

GRAB AHOLD & NEVER LET GO.

Even if love isn’t something you focus on, stand for SOMETHING.

Stand for something you believe it. Find your passion. Show others you care.

“Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open.“

This is your life.

Be passionate about something.

BE BRAVE.

diveinheadfirst.

Our entire lives, we wait for our prince to ride up on his white horse.  Have you ever wondered that you might be the prince that someone is waiting for?  What if we’re the missing piece of someone’s jigsaw puzzle?

What if we are living our fairytales in reality when something abruptly happens?

What if we make a mistake?  What if we make a lot of mistakes?

What happens if that white horse you’re riding on suddenly becomes a dark horse: the underdog?

What if..?

What happens now?

THAT is a good question.

We have to figure out what went wrong.  What did you say?  What did he say?  What did she say?  Why is this happening to me?  Can’t I just be happy?

YES. You can be happy!

Your fairytale can be realized.

Jump on your dark horse & ride back into the heart of the one you let down.

Even if the problem isn’t completely your fault, there is nothing worse than the silence.

Prepare yourself.

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR FAIRYTALE.

It is NOT too late.

“Once in awhile, 
Right in the middle of an ordinary life, 
Love gives us a fairy tale.“

If I have one piece of advice for you, it would be:

Your life is beautiful.

Your horse is waiting.

diveinheadfirst.

What is this thing; this thing we call life?  It’s a journey and we mess up, we regret, and we have to roll with the punches of our actions.  We say things we don’t mean and we’re scared to let people in.  We build walls around ourselves that seem almost indestructible.  We look for the smallest things to pick at until they fester into a larger problem.

..but WHY?

We are all taught that love is the answer, and when you’ve been torn down so many times, that love seems almost impossible.

I find myself at loss for thought and emotion simply because I don’t know how to feel anymore.  Every time I try, I create issues that don’t have to exist.  My own insecurities deteriorate my relationships with family members, friends and especially the people I care about the most.  When you’re used to being hurt, you sit and wait for something bad to happen.

Is that healthy behavior?  Absolutely not.

It’s hard to focus on the future when so much from your past drags you down with it.

We fight every day to rebuild, and while a lot of people do not allow themselves to do so, I refuse to let my past dictate my future actions any longer.  I keep hurting myself and those around me.

THIS CHANGES TODAY.

“Well I never pray
But tonight I’m on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there’s nobody singing to me now“

- The Verve

We have to TRUST.  Without that TRUST, life is meaningless and painful.

I know you’ve been lied to.  I know you’ve been deceived.  I know how high you’ve built that wall around yourself.

WE CANNOT LET TRUST ISSUES RUIN OUR LIVES.

If many of you are like me, I’m one of the most emotionally-wrecked individuals I’ve ever met, and I can tell you that my shambled past is the cause for many of my problems.

I want to let go.. but HOW?

Allow yourself to learn from your mistakes without causing problems in your future.

LET GO OF THE NEGATIVITY.

LET GO OF THE LOSS.

LET GO OF THE HURT.

Until we do this, we can’t grab ahold of happiness.. or love.

“Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”

- Veronica A. Shoffstall

If you want to be loved, you have to love yourself.

THAT is a problem I deal with on a daily basis.  From struggling with an eating disorder to being bullied every day of my adolescence because I was gay, loving myself seems difficult.

But I persevere!!  Sometimes when I feel weak, I turn on this song:

..because sometimes we all just need someone to BE THERE.

We’re all broken, because of our past, but we can’t let that break everything we’ve built.

Sometimes all we need is a little understanding.

THERE IS A METHOD BEHIND MY MADNESS.

Is it hurt, fear, or jealousy?  It’s all 3.

It takes time to learn from the past.  You should never be expected to forget; just learn.  We will never forget something that once made us happy; even if it makes us angry and miserable now.

Personally, I just need a shoulder to lean on sometimes.  I need to be dramatic and let all my feelings out, because I don’t know what’s going on.  I’m scared of love, but I want it so badly that I’m willing to work for it.

I feel like I spend weeks building something and ruin it with one text message.

AM I HAPPY?  Yes, I would definitely say so.

WILL I STAY HAPPY?  Who knows?

If we can TRUST, if we can LOVE, then we can be HAPPY.

Reach for life.  Reach for happiness.

The point is: WE THINK TOO MUCH.

The point is: WE ARE ALL LOST.

The point is: WE ALL WANT LOVE.

The point is: WE’RE ALL WALKING DOWN THE ROAD WE’RE USED TO.

diveinheadfirst.

It has been 2 weeks since my last post, and the hiatus was due to the fact that I couldn’t think of anything inspiring to write.  I’ve been truly happy lately, and it’s a bizarre feeling.  I never thought that I could feel like this, but now that I do, I feel as if I’m shoving my happiness down others’ throats.  However, it is only because I want everyone to feel just as amazing as I do.  I have truly been blessed in my life: I have a wonderful support system and I would not have been able do this without them.

You may ask, “What is this?”

LIFE.

Take chances.  Do everything that your mind tells you that can’t be done.

I finally feel like I can breathe, and I just want to help other people feel as elated as I am.

Do everything that you don’t think you can do, you don’t think you can afford, you don’t think other people will approve of.

 There is NOTHING worse than REGRET.

When I moved to Ohio University, I knew 3 people; all of which I went to high school with.  I was terrified.

Want to know what I did with that fright?

I walked into meeting for Ohio University’s programming board without knowing one person.

A beautiful girl named Aimee Rancer walked up to me and we became the closest of friends.  I thank her for my easy transition into life at Ohio University.

You have to force yourself to do it, but the most rewarding moments in life never come easy.

French writer, Andrew Gide, once said,

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.“

We cannot lose sight of our dreams because of our fears.

Go forth.

Live.

Love.

BE HAPPY.

Because if you do all of these things, you will find that happiness.

Do what you love.  Nothing else matters.

Before you know it, Mr. Right will be right there waiting for you.

Dive into new opportunity.

Dive deeper into love.

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

diveinheadfirst.

Your hump day treat comes in the form of inspiration: We are capable of so much more than we think!

A little J. Mayer for ya’ll:

The world is a HUGE place! Know what that means? There are a lot of ways that we can make a difference!

Don’t you EVER let someone tell you that you’re not good enough.

We come in all sizes & shapes. Love is one size fits all. Life is one size fits all.

Stop discounting yourself & start living your life!

Do the things that you’ve always dreamed of.  Even if they’re large scale, find some way to compensate.

YOU DESERVE THE BEST LIFE.

It’s not going to be easy; especially if you don’t believe in yourself.

SO, this is me telling you: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Don’t you dare give up. Fight and claw until you’re happy. It’s what you deserve, and it’s what those around you deserve.

Surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed in whatever you undertake.

You may ask yourself, “What does he get out of these blogs?”

A: I GET TO INSPIRE YOU. I want to see you succeed!

You may also ask yourself, “How does he get inspiration?”

A: I AM INSPIRED BY EVERYTHING.

I am inspired by my family.

I am inspired by my friends.

I am inspired by love.

I am inspired when I see a little baby smile.

I’m even inspired by the train-wreck that is Lindsay Lohan.

I am inspired by you.

But what I’m most inspired by is the world; the feeling that I can do anything, anywhere in the world.

Whether I end up in New York, California, Ohio or even in another country, I’m going to make a difference in someone’s life.  Throughout my life, I have been helped by so many people, and now it’s my turn to reciprocate.

Someday, somehow, I WILL change the world.

& hopefully I won’t have to do it alone.

I want to change the world using one hand with the other in someone else’s.

“I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.” – David Bowie

diveinheadfirst.

Take this time to remember that first person that made you feel butterflies.  Didn’t they make you feel alive?  Didn’t they make you want to love so hard?  It’s not impossible to feel that way again.  We all go through life and relationships looking for that spark that ignited from the beginning.  After so much failure, I think I might have found that spark again. I finally feel alive and it makes me want to do so many things with my life.  I’m 22 years old, almost done with college and the only thing I know about my future is that whatever I’m doing, I want to be happy.

HERE IS THE PROBLEM:

We have to stop looking for what used to be. We have to let our hearts free of our past.  We have to stop looking for that warning sign that something is wrong.

LET IT HAPPEN.

Who do we love?  Isn’t that the age long question?  Really, we have no control over that.

Let go. Let that love in. Without it, we’re nothing.

Because when you do allow that resistance to fade, something wonderful can happen.

“Falling in love in like jumping off a real tall building; your brain tells you it’s a bad idea, but your heart tells you that you can fly.” – Unknown

Even if you’re alone, don’t give up hope.  Do you ever wonder that you’re alone because you don’t allow others in?

Even if it’s the hardest thing to do, LET DOWN YOUR GUARD.

You can have your happy ending.

Don’t be afraid of love.  Don’t be afraid of life.

Sometimes, there is no warning sign. Happiness exists.

diveinheadfirst.

Today, I want to focus solemnly on positivity.  One day in Intro to Retail Merchandising, I sat next to Andi Teggart.  She turned out to be one of the most amazing people that I’ve ever met.  She taught me to always be positive.  No matter the situation, she always finds a way to put a smile on her face and get through it.  That is definitely more than I can say for myself, because I used to battle negative emotions all the time.  If I have one piece of advice for you, it is:

KICK THE NEGATIVITY OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

Live your life with no regrets and do nobody wrong.  If you spend your entire life feeling sorry for yourself and other people, then you will never learn how to love yourself.  Spend your time on this earth making other people feel good about themselves.  This is the first step and the best way to make you feel good about yourself.

Surround yourself with ..people that make you laugh

..people that can keep up with your sass

..people that make you smile

.. & people who are just as crazy as you are

Making other people feel bad about themselves is not going to make you feel any better about yourself.

Good karma will be rewarded.  I’ve almost adopted it as my religion, because I find it to be so true, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

We are all capable of so many things in our shot time on this Earth, but many of us don’t focus on the positive things in our life, because we can’t get past them.  It is essential to get past them, or you’ll never be happy.

SO, brush that dirt off your shoulder & start living your life! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Love yourself & love others, because,

diveinheadfirst.